Channelers and the Men Who Love Them
by Innloine
Summary: Soap opera about Mat, Moiraine and friends. So AU it isn't even funny.
1. Stupid Girl

_Wow I started this in '04...I have been told it manages to get better further on. I'll take their word for it._

* * *

Thom still remembered when Rand told him the news. Mat. Moiraine. Married. No one knew why those two would decide to get married, let alone to each other. The couple themselves were no help in shedding light on the whole situation. And although most thought they were "cute" together, Thom did not. It wasn't that he was jealous, just that he was...okay he was jealous. But how could he not be when Mat took every opportunity to tell him about his and Moiraine's "activities"? No matter how much Thom wanted to knock Mat down for yet again describing Moiraine sans clothes, it wasn't enough for him to want to kill the boy.  
"But why not?"  
Hiding a sigh as a yawn, Thom studied Elaida Sedai. She reminded him of a rat with her constantly licking her lips and flighty eyes. "Because as annoying as he is I still like him."  
"I'll pardon you. You can perform in Camlyen without fear of the headman's axe."  
"Light, wo...ah, Aes Sedai. Do you want him dead that bad? I'm sorry, but I promised myself to stay out of Aes Sedai affairs. Good-day to you."

* * *

When Elaida arrived back at her rooms she found Nynaeve pacing the sitting room. Muffling an oath, she calmly poured herself tea and sat in overstuffed chair.  
"Where were you? I've been waiting since mid-morning!"  
"I was...shopping," Elaida replied. It would be easier to lie if not for that stupid oath.  
"Shopping? For what? I see no shopping bags on your arms."  
"Eh, well, when I say 'shopping' I mean 'window shopping'. I was investigating future prospects."  
Nynaeve froze and stared at Elaida. "Really? You mean you've changed your mind about settling down? Oh, Ellie, I love you!"  
Elaida found herself buried under Nynaeve's kisses.

* * *

"Like white chocolate mounds topped with pink candies. Ooo, that's good!" Mat hurriedly wrote down his latest ode. He didn't particularly enjoy writing but the reactions his poems got from Thom made it seem worth it. And truth be told finding new ways to describe his wife naked was rather fun. Wife. That word still felt weird on his tongue. But the woman behind the word didn't. Ooo, he should write that down!  
Mat looked down at the page of parchment. The top half of it was filled with poetry about Moiraine. The bottom was covered with drawing of different...positions. Perhaps it was time to re-bond with his wife.

* * *

Moiraine unfolded the letter and read it again for what seemed the hundredth time. This was the tenth love letter her secret admirer had sent her in three days time. They were all filled to the brim with fluffy mush. The kind of thing no respecting Aes Sedai would admit to liking. "I watch you walk with longing and regret that we can't be together?! Who wrote that?" Mat demanded.  
"I don't know. That's why they're called secret admirers. Because their identities are secret. Why does it matter anyway?"  
Blood rushed to Mat's cheeks. Moiraine had to admit he was cute when he got jealous. "Why does it matter?! Because you're my wife and I don't like other people looking at you like I do."  
"Well I can't help it if I'm so damn beautiful."  
"Just for that I'm not showing you the new positions I came up with!" Mat shouted as he stormed out ignoring Moiraine's tears.

* * *

"Never thought I'd get out of there," Elaida muttered as she left the inn. That stupid Wisdom thought she wanted to get married. She had spent the whole night talking about eloping. Elaida stopped walking when the sound of sobbing came suddenly to her ears. Seeking the source she found none other than Moiraine weeping on a bench.  
Elaida sat down next to the little Blue, who watched her with tear filled eyes. "What's wrong, dear?"  
"Mat yelled at me."  
"He did? That big meanie. If you were my wife I would never yell at you."  
Moiraine raised an eyebrow. "Why are you stroking my hair?"  
"Oh, sorry. Would you prefer I stroke lower?"  
Moiraine stood up quickly. "I, eh, think I better go back to the inn now."  
Elaida watched Moiraine run away and shook her head. "Stupid girl."


	2. Numb

"I just don't understand it, Siuan. I've tried everything I could possibly think of! Wha, what am I doing wrong?"  
  
"Really Lan, there's no need to cry like a babe."  
  
Siuan's words only made the Warder sob harder. Sighing she patted the large man on the head, not sure what else to do. Her Warder-lightblesshissoulsohemayneverhauntthoseleftbehind-had never acted in such a fashion. But then, Alric hadn't been married to Nynaeve.  
  
"Lan, trust me when I say this, it isn't your fault. Nynaeve is being...distracted, by some other force."  
  
"You keep saying that, Siuan, but how can anything distract her from 'not-so-little-Lan'?"  
  
Siuan feigned ignorance on what 'not-so-little-Lan' referred to. "Let's just say I have sources of information that you do not."  
  
"But how-"  
  
"Do not question an Aes Sedai!"  
  
That stopped his babble and his crying. No wonder Nynaeve liked to yell so much.  
  
+=+  
  
Whistling a happy tune, it took all of Nynaeve's strength not to skip merrily home. Leaving Elaida's always made her feel like skipping, which was strange seeing as how she didn't particualy like the woman. However, as stupid as the Red sometimes(usually) was she was a good kisser. Even so she feared she might have to put an end to the affair if Elaida's feeling for her became too strong. Which was bound to happen, she was Nynaeve afterall.  
  
"Sooooo, how's your pillow friend?"  
  
Spinning around Nynaeve saw that it was Siuan who had spoken. "I know not what you speak of."  
  
The Tearian broke out into a fit of giggles. "Oh, Nynaeve! I know all about you and 'Ellie'." Siuan threw her arm across Nynaeve's sholders. "Come, come. Let's discuss business."  
  
"We have no business."  
  
"Oh I'm afraid we do, little Wisdom. You're having an affair that you wish to keep secret. I know about said affair. Therefore in order for you wishes to be fulfilled you must fulfill mine."  
  
+=+  
  
One down, one to go. Siuan couldn't believe how easy it was to bend Nynaeve to her will. Now all she had to do was find some leverage with Elaida. Which wasn't going to be easy. For the life of her Siuan couldn't figure out why Elaida would start an affair with anyone, let alone Nynaeve.  
  
As if on cue, the Red stepped out into the street. Elaida, after looking this way and that, darted into a side street draped in shadow. Siuan quickly followed.   
  
+=+  
  
Before placing the letter under the door, Elaida made sure no one was in sight. She was usually more careful where she delivered the notes, didn't want some maid to find them, but this was different. If a simple flowery poem could make Mat drive Moiraine to tears than maybe this more, uh, blunt ode would finally get rid of the damn boy.  
  
Elaida could hear voices from inside the room. Not wanting to risk using the Power she did the tired-and-true method of ear-on-door.  
  
"...I can't believe you made her cry."  
  
"Will you listen?! Yeah we had a fight, but then we had after fight-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it!"  
  
"But Thom, I think my performance last was..."  
  
That boy couldn't mean what she thought he meant. And if he did than he deserved a thousand deaths for speaking of Moiraine as such. Now maybe Thom would agree to kill him.   
  
+=+  
  
Siuan watched from the shadows. At first she couldn't figure out what the bloody woman was doing. But when she heard her mummer "my beautiful little rain cloud", it all came together. 


	3. Milkshake

Elaida turned to make a quick exit and came face to face with Siuan Sanche. This could be bad.  
  
"Well, well, well. So you're the one behind Moiraine's giggles."  
  
"Really? I mean, I have no idea what you are referring to." Her notes made Moiraine smile? That fact made it hard for Elaida not to smile herself.  
  
"Don't play stupid. Or should I say stupider."  
  
"That's not ev-"  
  
"Shut up! I have you, Elaida. Oh yes, you...are...MINE! I know about your affair with Nynaeve and your little infatuation with Moiraine. In exchange for keeping your secrets just that, you will have to become my servant."  
  
"I will not!"  
  
"Fine, then you'll be my slave."  
  
Elaida knew this would be bad. But just this once she would have liked to have been wrong.  
  
+=+  
  
"Whoa, Moiraine, wait up!"  
  
Moiraine kept walking hoping he would get the hint. Light, how she prayed he would just give up and go away.  
  
"Moiraine! MOI-RAINE!!!"  
  
"Light Rand, you don't have to yell in my ear!" The bloody fool looked confused. Well, actually he always looked like that. "What do you want?"  
  
"Do you remember when we switched bodies?"  
  
If he hadn't been standing there with a dead serious look on his face, Moiraine would have slapped him for such a stupid joke. "Rand, that never happened."  
  
"Dude, don't you remember? You were there, I was there, your ma was there. Remember?"  
  
"My mother died when I was seven. I don't know what you put in your pipe, but I suggest you cut back."  
  
Rand nodded in agreement a few times before a fit of giggles came over him. Light help her and the world.  
  
"Moiraine, you don't look so good. Like, I mean, you look good, just not...good. Like, I like looking at you and stuff, 'cause you look good, but right now you look...."  
  
Fainting wasn't pleasant, but at least she didn't hear the rest of his dribble.  
  
+=+  
  
Nynaeve hated shifting through reports. And she wouldn't have had to if not for Siuan. She didn't think she could dislike anyone as much as   
  
Moiraine. How wrong she was. Suddenly, Nynaeve felt a strong channler approaching. It couldn't be...  
  
Cadsuane Melaidhrin strolled past her singing:  
  
"My milkshake brings all the Warders to the yard  
  
And they're like, it's better than yours  
  
Damn right, it's better than yours  
  
I could teach you, but I have to bond.  
  
My milkshake bring all the Warders to the yard..."  
  
Nynaeve was still in shock at seeing the Green acting even stranger than usual, when Rand came bursting into the room.  
  
"Nynaeve! Something, like, happened with Moi-" He tilted his head as if listening to something. "What's a 'milkshake'? And why do Warders like it so much? Like, is it a performance enhancer or something?"  
  
"Rand, don't make me hurt you. What happened with Moiraine?"  
  
"Dude, you won't believe this! I was talking about that time we switched bodies and she just like fainted and stuff."  
  
After a few sharp switches with Air Rand lead Nynaeve to Moiraine.  
  
+=+  
  
"Stop it, just stop it already! I don't want to hear about mounds or pink candies! Enough is enough!" Thom shouted louder than necsacery.  
  
Before getting a chance for a comeback, Mat was tapped on the shoulder by Lan.  
  
"Um, Moiraine's ill. Nynaeve's with her now."  
  
"I'm afraid we'll have to continue this conversation later, Gleeman."  
  
As fast as he could Mat ran to his and Moiraine's rooms. Nynaeve hissed at him before turning back to Moiraine who smiled weakly at him. Rand was smiling at him too. Rand?  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Like, we were talking when she just like fainted and stuff."  
  
WHAT!? What did you do to her?"  
  
Rand shrieked and then proceeded to run in circles to avoid Mat's spear.   
  
"Matrim Cauthorn! You're the one who did this to Moiraine, not Rand!"  
  
Mat stopped his chase and Rand his whimpering.  
  
"What? How?"  
  
Nynaeve sniffed. And as if an afterthought gave her braid a tug. "She's pregnant."  
  
It was now Mat's turn to shriek. 


	4. My Love Is Like Wo

"Master Merrilin, to what do I owe the pleasure"

Thom took a deep breath. "I've decided to accept your offer regarding young Matrim"

He had expected a few reactions, none of which included the Aes Sedai jumping up and down screaming "Whee!" at the top of her lungs.

"Oh Thom, I would kiss you if you weren't such an ugly man"

"I was handsome once"

"I don't hate to break it to you, Morgase lied. But what is past is past. Let's discuss our future"

"My ma thought I was handsome..."

* * *

For the first time in, well, ever, things seemed to going well for Elaida. Until she opened her bedroom door.

"Mother's milk in a cup! Don't you ever go home"

Nynaeve had the decency to look embarrassed. Perhaps Elaida should hold her tongue just a while longer. The girl had served her purpose after all.

"I...I just wanted to talk to you about us"

"There is no 'us"

"Really Ellie! I'm not breaking up with you"

"Pity, because I'm breaking up with you. You may leave now"

The girl's lips began to tremble and her eyes filled with water. Now wasn't this just perfect?

"Please don't cry. You're so ugly when you cry"

"Butbutbutbut"

"Blood and bloody ashes! I've changed my mind; you stay I'll go."

* * *

Nynaeve stared at the door in disbelief. She had always imagined she would end the affair with Elaida in tears, not the other way around. She had only started the blasted thing to make Lan jealous and, she supposed, that purpose had been fulfilled. Of course thanks to the affair she was now Siuan Sanche's personal slave and in love with Elaida.  
Wait...Did she just think what she thought she thinked?

* * *

Rand had a brilliant idea and needed to share it, least he forget. "Hey Caddy"

Cadsuane acknowledged him with a nod "S'up"

"I was thinking of doing this thing where everyone gets together and like gives Moiraine's baby gifts and stuff"

"Sound 'ight"

"Uh, what did you say"

" 'ight"

"What dialect is that"

"Man, I be speakin' ghettofied. Don't be playa hatin' just 'cause you don't be understand' what I'm sayin'. Look, your plan sounds tight. 'ight? I'll see what I can do"  
Rand, speechless for once, simply nodded in agreement.

* * *

"How about Vagdush for a boy and Galella for a girl? Why are you making that face, Moiraine"

Moiraine rolled her eyes. "Those names are ugly. I prefer Isithralindë for a girl and Celadrieriand for a boy"

It took Mat a full minute to realize she wasn't joking. "Can you even spell those names"

"Why would they need to know how to spell? Their father can't write and seems to be doing okay"

"I can write"

His wife arched an eyebrow.

"Really, I can"

"I have yet to see this imaginary talent of yours. Oh this is silly. We have months to pick a name so there's no point in arguing about it now. Instead why don't you be a good husband and fetch me some chocolate"

"Fine. But I'll be damned if I name my son Celadrieriand."

* * *

"Obviously the attack has to be a surprise"

Elaida bit her tongue. Whoever heard of an assassination not being a surprise? "Of course, Thomdil. But how are you going to get the boy away from Moiraine long enough to do what you must? Since the pregnancy announcement he's been stuck to her side day and night."

This wasn't the first time that point had been made, but Thom avoided answering it. The old gleeman chewed on an mustache for a long time. "Cadsuane Sedai is planning some sort of feast for the child. Perhaps if it was made women only Mat would have no choice but to leave his wife's side"

A smile broke out on Elaida's face before she could stop it. "Yes, that's a marvelous idea! I'll make sure the soiree is female only, you make sure Mat doesn't wake up tomorrow."


	5. One Thing

_ Author's note: Okay, basically I deleted and restarted chapters five on. Didn't really like the way it was before._  
  
Moiraine was pleasently surprised to discover that dinner with Siuan was in fact a feast in the baby's honor. All the women in town, including Rand, were present and bearing gifts. After ooo-ing and aww-ing over rattles and stuffed animals, Cadsuane handed a knife to Rand and pronounced it as cake time.  
"Put that knife down, Rand al' Thor!"  
"How did Lews get out of my head?!"  
Confusion settled over the party. Oh, not over Rand, everyone knew he was crazy, but over the fat blonde woman shouting in the doorway. Moiraine, however, recognized her niece."Elayne, to what do we owe the pleasure?"  
Confusion was replaced with shock, and Cadsuane said what everyone was thinking ("How'd she get so fat?"), but Elayne ignored them.  
"I am here for two reasons. One, to find out why Rand hasn't even sent so much as a note to his two big headed kids, and two to give you a gift, Auntie."  
Rand appeared deep in thought, an illusion Moiraine thought worth appaluse. "I have children? But Min said you and Avi couldn't have babies."  
Not wanting her cake destroyed by balefire, Moiraine stepped in. "What gift did you want to give me, Elayne?"  
Elayne turned her plump face towards Moiraine. "Cairhien. I can't rule two nations and raise twins at the same time."  
"...That's very kind. But I'm afraid-"  
"The throne is yours, Moiraine! I don't want it anymore!"  
"Elayne, you can't just give up a throne like an old doll!"  
"And why not? Besides, I've already made the decree about you being the new queen."  
Moiraine was only dimly aware of the gasps and mutters filling the room. She wasn't ready to be a mother, let alone a queen.  
  
Thom finally had the perfect shot. One flick of the knife and Mat would be dead. All he had to do was aim and-  
"Duuuuuuuude! You guys will not believe what happened!"  
Rand, followed by Cadsuane, stormed into the room without knocking. The Aes Sedai eyed Thom's knife and gave him a sly smile. Mat seemed not to notice. "What is it, Rand?"  
"Elayne, who is like beyond fat, just made Moiraine the Queen of Cairhien! Isn't that awesome?"  
"No, not really." Giving a heavy sigh, Mat wondered over to a window. "Look, I think you all better leave. When Moiraine gets back she'll want to be alone."  
  
Nynaeve couldn't stop thinking about her. Somehow, Elaida a'Roihan had cast a spell on her. She had to have her back if it was the last thing she did...tonight. She finally found her, but before Nynaeve could open her mouth, Lan appeared.  
"Look, Nynaeve. I found you a kitten."  
"That's...great, Lan. Now if you'll excuse me...."  
"But, I thought, maybe, since we're married...we could...you know....And I found you a kitty."  
"Wait. Are you telling me, you thought getting me a kitten would cause me to make love to you?!"  
"Um, I'm guessing I was wrong."  
  
After Elayne's fit Siuan had gotten herself drunk. A bad idea. Now that morning had come her head felt like a fish getting gutted. And she was all sticky.  
"Hmph. About time you woke up. Go make us breakfast."  
There were no words for the feelings going through Siuan. Waking up to discover you were naked in bed with Cadsuane Melaidhrin was one thing. Waking up to discover you were naked in bed with Cadsuane Melaidhrin and Rand al' Thor, was another.  
"I think I'm going to be sick." 


	6. Hello Again

"No you didn't!"  
"Moiraine you aren't helping me."  
"You...and...and....Rand?! Rand al'Thor?! The idiot?!"  
"Yes, Moiraine! I had sex with Rand al'Thor!"  
Moiraine stared at her for a long time before saying, "You did use...protection, right? I mean, Rand's kind of...potent."  
A new horror filled Siuan. It was as if she had awoken and looked in the mirror to see Egwene looking back at her. "He can't be that potent. Can he?"  
"Mwahahahahaha....ahem....He did make twins on the first go with Elayne. Siuan...? Light, woman! Fainting is for weaklings!"  
  
Elaida knew she was there before stepping inside her rooms. It was hard not to know Cadsuane was around you. "Hello, Sister."  
The usual mirth, Elaida liked to think it was more insantiy, was gone from the Green's eyes. "You've been playing very dirty games, Elaida. I'm afraid I'm going to have to put a stop to them."  
"Me? Playing games? Ha!" Elaida tried to regain control of her pitch. "I have no clue as to what you are babbling on about. Shouldn't you be out looking for a new boy to play with? Or is al'Thor still keeping you occupied?"  
A wide smirk appered on Cadsuane's face, "Don't pretend you know me, girl. Doing so makes you appear a bigger fool than you already are."  
  
After much bribing, Nynaeve agreed to Travel with Mat to Andor. Why an uncrowned queen was begging for money was strange, if slighty entertaining."I expect my monies' worth, Wisdom."  
"Will you stop calling me that?! I haven't been a wisdom since...what, twelve years ago!"  
"You will always be The Wisdom in my heart."  
"What......EVER!"  
By this point, they had reached the Lion Throne of Andor, and entered Elayne's glare. "Why in the name of the Light are _you_ here? Cairhien is to the east, and I don't know where Lan's stupid country is. But it ain't here!"  
Mat decided, since Nynaeve was busy growling, that he should answer. "You see, dear niece, I don't think it is wise of you to give the Sun Crown to Moiraine. She shall be a mother soon, and the affairs of state might suffer."  
"Hmph! You see those brats over there?" The court looked at the brats. "If I can raise them, she can raise your runt. Better yet, you can raise it. It's not like you have a _job_."  
"Band of the Red Hand!"  
"Band of the Red Hand! Look at my little army! Wee! I'm a big boy!"  
"You're just jealous Rand rather share his bed with a 300 year old woman than you!"  
The room filled with gasps and laughter. The gasps coming from offended nobles, the laughter from the al' Thor brats.  
"Uh, Mat?"  
"Yes, Wisdom?"  
"I don't think that was such a wise thing to say."  
  
Lan decided it was time for Rand to know some things about life. "Rand, we need to talk."  
"Really?! You want to talk with _me_?"  
"Um, not really, but I need to. Rand, you have children. Lots of them. More than is healthy for the rest of the human race."  
"But....Min said that I like, didn't."  
"She lied. Women do that sometimes."  
"Whoa. How many do I have?"  
"I lost count at eight. I don't do math." 


	7. Perfect Frown

"Stop crying, Rand."  
"I can't Caddy!"  
"And stop calling me that."  
"But...I'm like, a..a...baby making machine! Why are you rolling your eyes at me?!"  
" 'Cause you are an idiot. And it's about time someone told you."  
"You try being the Dragon Reborn and having the world on your shoulders!"  
"The Last Battle was ten years ago. _Get over it_!"  
The two sat in silence. Cadsuane was trying to convince herself not to kill Rand. Rand was busy enjoying his brief moment of sanity.  
"Cadsuane, can you help me?"  
"In the name of the Light, what is it now?!"  
"I want to see my children."  
  
Siuan decided it was time to pay Min a visit. So, after taking a deep breath and preparing herself for the fattest, she rapped on the oak door. It swung open to reveal a thin, rosy cheeked woman with waist length hair. "Um, I'm looking for Min Farshaw."  
"Siuan! It's me! You silly goose."  
Siuan's mouth fell open. "You're not fat? I mean....good to see you! How have you been?"  
"I'm fine. Come on inside and meet the children."  
Min led her into a small sitting room where two small children, prehaps aged eight, played with dolls.  
"That little man is Adme and this is his sister Shaiel. Children, this is Siuan Sanche."  
"Hallo," the pups said in unison.  
Siuan had to admit they were cute. Even if they did look like their father. "Hello. Min, I was wondering..."  
"If I could do a viewing? I see one clear as day; about a childbirth of all things."  
  
Moiraine hated going home. Anvaere and Innloine always made her life a pain.  
"Oh no, she can't wear _that_ to the coronation."  
"No, she can't. Let's put her in green. I like green."  
"I know you do, Innloine, but I think red would be much better."  
She couldn't take anymore. She felt...violent. "I will wear nothing of the sort. I can dress myself. Now, go away." Their laughter hurt her ears. "_I wish death upon you_."  
  
"Lan, stop following me around."  
"But Nynaeve, I gave you a pussy so don't you think-"  
"If you finish that thought I will hurt you."  
While he struggled to find a comeback, Nynaeve went to the inn. Light, that man would just not give up!  
"Problems in paradise?"  
"Elaida? What are you doing here?"  
The Red sniffed. "I live here. So, the real question is, why are _you_ here?"  
"I...I love you."  
"You love _her_?!"  
The two Aes Sedai spun at Lan's voice.  
"YOU LOVE HER?!" 


	8. Shadow

"I cannot have Rand's baby!"  
"Uh...Siuan? What's wrong with you?"  
"What's wrong with me?!" Could the fool girl be asking such a thing? "You had a viewing of me in childbirth. That's what's wrong with me! Really, Min, I thought you smarter than Elayne."  
"Wha....? Siuan....I had a viewing of you as a midwife.Not a mother. You reproducing is a very scary thought."  
Well now Siuan felt stupid. "Oh. Who am I a midwife too?"  
"Cadsuane. How freaky is that thought?"  
  
Cadsuane, who insisted she wasn't ill, was behind the stables showing the ground her breakfast. Which meant Rand was left alone with The Twins. He called them that because Elayne had failed to mention their names.  
"So....children....how are your studies going?"  
"Are you our father the bastard?"  
"Oh no, I'm not a bastard. Well, at least not in Aiel country. Like, my parents were kind of married at the time they-"  
"Gah! No wonder ma doesn't like you." Rand fought the urge to hit his son. Instead he said, "You're just upset because you're the ugly twin." That seemed to shut him up, and win him points with the girl twin. He was going to be a great da!  
  
Nynaeve always found a way to make Elaida's life difficult. "Lan, you have nothing to worry about. I want nothing to do with your wife."  
"Ellie...you don't mean that!"  
"Yeah, Ellie, the three of us could have fun."  
The two woman stared at the Warder.  
"Does he mean...?"  
"Yes."  
"But why would a man say such a stupid thing? Oh wait...he's a man."  
"That, and the fact that I have him on lock out."  
To this Lan nodded furiously. "She is being very mean to me, Ellie."  
"Call me 'Ellie' one more time and you will never make love to anything again. Not even your own hand."  
  
Cairhien was filled with House Damodred's colors of red, white, and green. People danced in the street and did less child friendly things in the alleys. Moiraine Sedai had just been crowned Queen of Cairhien, and its citizens were having a grand ole time celebrating and causing havoc. Moirain herself wasn't in her happy place. Thanks to the seed growing inside her, none of her old dresses fit. And almost as bad, her husband was missing.  
  
Mat wanted to die. Elayne had kept him locked up for almost two days and he didn't if he could last one day longer. "You are so weak."  
"Cadsuane? What are you doing here?"  
"I...don't...know. What are _you_ doing here?"  
"I told Elayne who Rand's been sleeping with and she got upset or something. How's Moiraine?"  
"She's Queen of Cairhien and Siuan Sanche's new wife."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Okay I made that last part up, but a girl can dream." 


	9. If There's Love

The months passed quickly, changing both seasons and lives. Cairhien was flourishing, and the peoples' joy was only amplified by the birth of Princess Tamra Cauthon Damodred. Her father, Matrim, was able to witness her birth thanks to Elayne finally getting tired of keeping him imprisoned. Rand found himself enjoying quality time with all eight of his offspring. Cadsuane was of some help, until her stomach became too large to ignore. She denied the pregnancy rumours with such passion people thought her delusional.... Or at least more delusional than before.

Cadsuane wasn't exactly a fan of chaos, which was the only word to describe the Brats al' Thor. She couldn't be bothered to learn their names. In her mind, as long as they kept responding to "Hey you!" there wasn't a problem.  
"Siuan, stop staring at me."  
"Oh! I'm sorry, Cadsuane, I didn't think you could see me."  
"Why couldn't I?! You're standing right in front of me!"  
"Well, usually old people can't see that.... Hey! How's the baby?"  
"Eh?"  
The Tairan actually had the gull to touch her stomach! "This baby."  
"How is it that I'm too old to see an idiot standing in front of me, but young enough to reproduce?"  
Silence.  
"Um, speaking of idiots, I have some business with Elaida. If you'll excuse me, Cadsuane."

Elaida had stashed herself away in a dark room, supposedly to think. The knowledge that senile Cadsuane Melaidhrin could be onto her plans, had shaken her to the core. Of course, her plans were all but useless now that Moiraine was ruling in Cairhien. With an heir no less.  
"Why are you staring at me, Siuan Sanche?"  
"Damnit! How can everyone see me?!"  
"I have no time for you. What do you want?"  
Those cold blue eyes turned sharp as stone. "Make time. Because you and I have business to take care of."  
Elaida was near fuming. How dare this woman make demands on her! "I will do no such thing. Now. Leave me at peace, Sanche." Siuan was suddenly surrounded by the glow of the One Power. "You plan on trying attacking me?"  
"No," she grew quiet. "I plan on succeeding."

Thom found his resolve breaking. For a year he had been determined to break apart the marriage of Mat and Moiraine. However.... Seeing them play with their daughter forced him to think. Who was he to decide who should be with who? Who was he to take a father from a child? Who was he to think he was worthy of Moiraine?  
If I can't be her lover, I can be her bard.  
It seemed a small role in comparison, but both allowed him to show his love.

The weave seemed to shoot out of the heavens; a stray from a battle Nynaeve could not see, only sense. But she sensed this weave too late. It struck her full on, ripping a scream all the village could hear.  



	10. Scream

_Dead_. Nynaeve was dead. No matter how long she stared at the words they failed to make sense. _Death by One Power_. Moiraine set the note aside trying to wrap her mind around this new reality, but failing yet again. How in the name of the Light could someone kill Nynaeve, and with the One Power no less? Few had the motive and even fewer the ability. But whoever it was would suffer a fate worse than Nynaeve had, that she would make sure of.

Looking again at Rand's letter, Moiraine felt tears form. She hastily rubbed at her eyes.

_I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't cry..._

Matrim had to carry her to the bedchamber she was sobbing so hard.

* * *

"What did you do, Elaida?"

"Nothing! Light, woman, I've told you the story a thousand times!"

"No...you haven't. Only twice."

Cadsuane stood and glided towards the room's only window. There was nothing outside she wanted to see, but the fresh air made her feel better. Everything was spinning out of control, every plan out of her grasp. Ever since Mat and Moiraine had become man and wife the world had ceased to make sense.

"Tell me again; why would Siuan attack you?"

Making a dramatic sigh, Elaida recounted. "She was angry at me about something or another. We exchanged words, she threatened me, we fought. A stray weave of hers flew outside and we heard a scream."

"Why didn't you come forward at the start?"

"Who would believe me? I'm not a fool, Melaidhrin, people hate me and would rather believe I killed Nynaeve than Siuan."

Cadsuane couldn't really argue with that logic. "Why did you have an affair with Nynaeve?"

"That is in the past; it ended ages ago."

"I could care less when it happened or ended, I asked why it started."

The Red glared at her, then proceeded to stare a hole in the wall. "I...desired Moiraine and couldn't have her. So I took Nynaeve."

"That's rather pathetic."

The glare returned. "Don't you judge me! Not you who carries Al' Thor's tenth bastard."

"Ninth. It's only his ninth bastard." Cadsuane returned Elaida's glare with one of her own. She allowed herself a small smirk when the other woman flinched. "Besides, who I bed is not at issue here. What is, is that your former lover is dead, and you accuse another."

* * *

Thom had scoured the town from roof to stone, but Lan's whereabouts remained unknown; the Warder had seemingly vanished into thin air. But it wasn't until that very moment that Thom realized how desperate he was.

"Rand, you wouldn't happen to know where Lan is?"

A bit too dramaticlly, Rand turned to face him. "Why...yes. Yes I do. And when I tell you where you won't believe it!"

* * *

Mat had known sharing the latest news with Moiraine would be difficult, but he hadn't expected her to go into full denial.

"I am telling you, Matrim, Siuan didn't do it! Elaida has also been an evil one. It's obvious she's lying."

"Moiraine...you and I both know that isn't true. Well, the lying part isn't. But it doesn't look like she's framing Siuan for this, but actually being honest."

"No..."

"Moiraine-"

"NO! I will hear no more of it!"

The door slammed in his before he could even open his mouth.

* * *

The sound of shouting and a final slam carried down the long corridor. She was still planning her next move when Moiraine all but tripped over her.

"Bloody ashes!"

"Siuan!"

Rising, Siuan helped Moiraine to her feet. "Yes...I...I need help, Moiraine. Nynaeve-"

"Shush," Moiraine pressed her hand against Siuan's lips. "Of course I'll aide you."  



	11. Escape

_A/N: Laura (ravenhaired) helped with the Eirana part._

_

* * *

_  
"No!"

"Yes!"

"This can't be true!"

"Oh, but Rand is correct, Master Bard. It is very true."

"Galad, for the last time, my name is Thom."

Pretty Boy Damodred gave a slight nod. "I am not sure where the surprise comes from, Thom. al'Lan Mandragoran is a _marvolous_ fighter and a _glorious _addition to the Children of the Light."

"Oh, yes yes," Rand flicked his hair in a perfect mimic of Galad. "Although it is rather strange; very out of character of him. Near fanfic crazy."

"Near what?"

"Excuse me, did you say something?"

"No...Rand...you did-"

"No, no, I think you are mistaken, Galad, for _you_ are the one who spoke to me. Not_ I_ to you."

Deciding this was his cue to leave, Thom backed slowly out of the room.

* * *

Eirana left the inn for an early morning stroll. The streets were quiet and Eirana was pleased - less people to see her love bites. It wouldn't do, she knew, for an Aes Sedai to be seen sporting them - only Cadsuane, perhaps, could get away with things like that, as she was still consciously denying carrying Rand al'Thor's ninth - or was it tenth? - bastard. 

Eirana didn't remember and nor care.

Humming to herself, she crossed the street, seeing out of the corner of her eye, a flushed looking Siuan Sanche skirting the buildings up ahead, before disappearing into one of them.

Pausing briefly, Eirana turned, intent on telling someone what she had seen. In fact, she knew just the person.

* * *

"Who are you?" 

"I'm Eirana Sedai!"

"Yes, so you keep saying. Never heard of you; must be unimportant." Ignoring the younger woman's protests, Cadsuane continued, "So you saw Sanche in some village outside the Cairhien capital? Well then! Let us Travel!"

Not waiting for any sign of agreement, Cadsuane opened up a gateway and stepped through.

The village only had one inn, with five rooms, which made finding Siuan amazingly easy. The look of shock on Siuan's face made the whole journey worth it. Until she found out the source.

"Cadsuane...you're leaking water."

This wasn't happening.

"Eirana...I don't know why you're here, but you best get Rand."

* * *

"I just don't see how it's possible. Cadsuane is..._old_." 

Verin Sedai nibbled on her quill tip, seemingly deep in thought. "I will tell you a secret if you promise to keep it."

"I like secrets."

"A few months after the end of Tarmon Gai'don, Cadsuane Sedai came to me asking for assistance. She wanted to know if it was possible to dye a person's hair a dark grey, and if so, how to do it. I didn't know off hand, mind you, but helped her find the answer." Hoping to see wonder and amazement flash on Moiraine's face, Verin was throughly disappointed to find only a blank stare. "You Blues... She isn't bond by the Three Oaths. Based on the calander she is 305 years old, but her body is that of a woman in her 30s."

Moiraine was filled with horror. "Dear Light she can _bred_!"

* * *

Rand was panic-stricken. A scary looking Red had shown up in his bedroom demanding he return with her to some no-name village in Cairhien. Even if Cadsuane was giving birth, a thought he tried to avoid, he had no desire to go to Midget Land. He had spent enough time there to last him 2 1/2 lifetimes, thankyouverymuch. And yet, the Aes Sedai didn't seem to understand nor care. 

"...but it's your child!"

"You can't prove that!"

"Boy, you don't know what I can do."

"Eep!"

Rand was so concerned with running away, he didn't even notice the gateway. It took a moment to grasp the scene before: To comprehend that there was a head...down there. He was witnessing what no human male should have to see.

"Light burn my eyes!"

Eventually, Rand calmed down. The fainting helped with that. He awoke to find Cadsuane glaring at him, and Siuan holding out a bundle.

"Take her."

Taking the girl in his arms he said, "Can I name her?"

A three part chorus rang out, "No."

Pretending to not be offended, he turned towards Cadsuane. "Have you named her then?"

"Kaitlin Melaidhrin."

"Mel-!"

"Yes! And that's final. When you push a watermelon through your loin, you can name it."


	12. Open Your Eyes

Siuan couldn't take it anymore. She had to ask. "What, exactly, happened that night...with...us?" 

Cadsuane opened one eye briefly to glance at her. "You got drunk and thought you were a bumble bee. You proceeded to strip naked and pour honey all over yourself. Before anyone could stop you, you ran off into the night. Rand found you in his bed and we tried to get you to leave to no avail. Every time we touched you, you tried to throw a fireball at us. Eventually, we gave up and just went to sleep."

"...Oh."

The eye opened again. "What did you think happened?"

"Um...nothing."

* * *

Moiraine almost didn't recognize her: Elayne had waltzed onto the terrace as regal, and slender, as she had been pre-Rand. There was also a too tall, too dark, and too handsome young man escorting her. Moiraine stood in greeting. 

"I'm glad you could come, Elayne. It has been a long time."

Without saying a word, Elayne took a seat and motioned for the young man to stand beside her.

Forcing a smile, Moiraine poured some tea for them both. "How are the twins?"

"How would _I_ know? They're with their father," Elayne made a grand showing of sniffing the tea. "Look, Raul and I-"

"_Raul_?"

"Yes..._Raul_ and I, only came to your tea party to make one thing clear: I shall have Cairhien back."

"I told you before that Cairhien is not some doll you can play with."

"I am not playing! If you don't hand over-"

"Hand over? I'm sorry. But just because you lost weight and gained a lover, doesn't mean you can go around conquering the world. Cairhien was in shambles when you pushed the crown on me: Rape and murder happening right on the Palace steps. If you think, for one _tenth_ of a second, that I'm just going to "hand over" my country to you, you are very much mistaken. Now. If you would please return home."

"You'll live to regret this, Moiraine."

"If you don't leave my sight in five seconds, it is _you_ who will be doing the regretting."

* * *

Although Mat liked to think himself a genius, it didn't take one to see that Moiraine was upset. His wife was pacing a hole in the carpets, and had burned several portraits. The few survivors looked to be that of Elayne. 

"I had no idea you had so many images of your niece."

"Her last gift to Cairhien; I found them in a cache. Matrim, sit down."

Once seated, Moiraine began to tell Mat about the afternoon's events. As Moiraine's voice became higher, Mat's mood became darker. He had decided to forgive Elayne for throwing him in jail, but this... To be rude and unkind to his wife, the mother of his child, was a different matter. This was not something he could easily forgive nor forget.

"I best get the Hand ready, don't you think?"

* * *

"Where is Siuan?" 

"She ain't here."

"I can see that, Cadsuane. I did not ask where she isn't, I asked where she is."

The elder Aes Sedai barely glanced at Moiraine, which infuriated her even more. She had come to the inn hoping a talk with Siuan would settle her nerves. Not to discover a scene from her nightmares: Rand, Cad, and Baby.

"Will you..._please_...tell me where she is?"

"Oh...all right," Cadsuane gave an exaggerated sigh. "She has been sent to Tar Valon to face murder charges. I believe Elaida is already there. With any luck they'll be dungeon mates. Ha, ain't that right, Rand?" Rand was busy making cooing noises and seemed not to hear. "Yes, well. That's where she is. Now leave."

Moiraine did just that, and had all ready Traveled back to the Capitol before realizing the Queen of Cairhien had just been dismissed by a senile old woman.

* * *

"You? No!" 

She wasn't sure if she should feel complimented or insulted at having an attractive gleeman point at her. After a little thought, she settled on insulted. "I beg your pardon? Just who are you to point at _me_?"

The man drew himself up. "Who am I? I am Joar Addam Nessosin! The greatest of great composers!"

"Funny. Never heard of you."

"...Then you may call me..._Asmodean_! Mayhap you have heard of me now?"

"Ooooh!"

He smiled.

"The Forsaken who got himself killed before the Last Battle even started? I wouldn't go around admitting that if I were you."

Smile gone.

"Just a thought."

"Well," Asmodean gave his hair an unnecessary flourish. "I heard about how _you_ died. Not quite heroic either, I must say."

She was tempted to sniff, but stopped herself. "I wish not to speak of that incident with the likes of you. What do you know of being a hero?"

"I'll have you to know both my Aes Sedai and lover call me that whenever I leave them."

"Your Aes Sedai?"

"Yes, I refuse to call her Bond Mistress no matter how much she begs." Asmodean seemed to realize he had said too much and turned purple. "Forget you just heard that."

"Forget that I heard the "_Great Asmodean_" admit to being a Warder? Oh I think not."


	13. Vampire

It still amazed him. Mat remembered when the Band of the Red Hand was six thousand strong. A decade later that number was tenfold. Even so, Mat couldn't help but feel exposed. Not even a full five miles west lay the Andoran border and an army with more troops then he cared to think about. Scouts reported the massing of troops, but as of yet, no movement towards Cairhien. Or at least, the scouts that had returned said as much. Another reality he cared not to think about. 

Mat felt restless. There was nothing to do but wait, something he had always hated. Deciding his time was best spent going over battle plans, again, he left the small hilltop and joined his generals.

* * *

The Watcher of the Seals, The Flame of Tar Valon, The Amyrlin Seat, Your Lord and Master, was not happy. Egwene had faced many challenges over the years, but none such as this.

Bound and kneeling before her was Siuan Sanche and Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan. Stripped of all former glory, they wore nothing more than plain white dresses and matching slippers, and a black hood thrown over their faces. The hoods were Romanda's idea, and instead of asking the obvious "why", Egwene had consented. She didn't want to see their faces.

Drawing a calming breath, she began. "Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan. Siuan Sanche. You are both accused of committing murder on one of your own sisters, el'Nynaeve Mandragoran. You have both proclaimed your innocence and accused the other. This has caused some problems in the sentencing."

Egwene could feel everyone waiting for her decision; the tension in Traitor's Court was near stifling. Yet she knew once she spoke her judgment there was no going back.

"Despite blaming each other, neither of you shall escape blame. You were both in that room and you were both using the One Power to cause harm. Therefore, I find you both guilty of murder. In two days time you will be hanged. That is my decision, and it is final."

* * *

"You've been cheating on me!"

Cadsuane gave him an irritated look. "Rand, that is not possible."

"Yes it is! I know you are!"

"No you don't, and since I know everything, I am right."

"You do not know everything!"

"Wish for me to prove it? All right then. I know that Thom is in love with Moiraine and at one point attempted to have Mat killed. Killing Mat was Elaida's idea, however, for she too is in love with the Damodred. She couldn't have the Blue, of course, so she picked her protégée, Nynaeve, as a replacement. I also know that Asmodean is not dead and is currently travelling to Tar Valon with...well, I won't tell you who he's with. It'll only make you more confused than you all ready are."

Rand could feel his jaw drop. "How do you know all that!"

"I told you. I know everything."

* * *

Asmodean was starting to regret accompanying this crazed woman to Tar Valon. For one thing, she was forever yelling at him. But even worse than that (and that was pretty bad) she thought his music was _lacking_. Lacking in _talent_. 

"Will you stop daydreaming, Wimpy, and watch were you're going?"

Biting his tongue, Asmodean turned his attention back to the road. While he had been in thoughtful contemplation, they had finally reached Tar Valon. The city was strangely quiet, and felt empty despite the throngs of people wandering the streets. The silence settled on the two travellers until they reached the gates of the Tower; the closed gates.

His companion jumped down from the wagon and proceed to harass the poor fool who had gate duty. Asmodean silently thanked his lovers it was someone else's turn to get a lashing, since he believed both the Creator and the Dark One were none too happy with him. Eventually, she gave up and returned to sit next to him.

"He says no one can enter while the trial is going on."

"What trial? Is someone going to hang? I want to see."

"No. Not today. That fool of a man wouldn't tell me what the trial was for. He doesn't believe I'm an Aes Sedai!"

Asmodean stopped himself from taking the bait, for a thought had just occurred to him. He was a Forsaken. In the middle of Tar Valon. With his Bond Mistress no where near to protect him.

* * *

Moiraine left Mat's tent not sure how to feel. Her husband was clearly worried about the upcoming battles, and yet at the same time determined. He had refused, politely yet sternly, to discuss any sort of plans. Instead, he made her talk at great length about Court, and especially Tamra. She obliged, and for a time forgot all about her stupid niece, _Raul_, and the war about to start. She was deep in her reverie when a voice called out. 

"Moiraine."

"Lan? Light! Where have you been? Are you all right? No you can't be. You're...you're wearing a Whitecloak uniform."

"I joined. But that's not why I'm here."

"Why you're here?" Lan headed for a small clearing, forcing Moiraine to follow at a brisk pace. "Lan, answer me!"

"Moiraine... I've come here with an army to help you defeat Andor."

"I don't care about this war! Lan, you're my dearest friend, and I can't help but feel something's gone terribly wrong with you. I know Nynaeve's death must have been hard on you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there at her funeral to support you-"

"There was no funeral."

"Come again?"

"There was nothing to bury, thus no funeral. I know you're worried about me, Moiraine, but there is no need. I know what I'm doing and everything is fine."

Before she could protest, Lan kissed her lightly and walked off.

* * *

Mat saw Lan kiss his wife, but he had more pressing matters on his mind; the Andoran army had just been spotted on the horizon. Reports indicated they had come through a gateway. Stifling a curse, Mat went to prepare the troops.

* * *

_End of Season One. Because soaps need seasons._


	14. Forget the Reasons

_A/N: The last scene will probably only make sense if you have TSR handy...or google._

* * *

"I can't believe this is happening! How can this be happening! This isn't happening! This isn't happening!" 

"Light, woman, shut up!"

Elaida ignored her, as usual, and continued her bemoaning. Siuan couldn't be sure, but it seemed the Red had lost the small bit of sanity she possessed. The Aes Sedai guarding them seemed to pay no heed to Elaida's constant whining and occasional giggle fits, but it was enough to make Siuan grateful for her own death sentence.

"Siuan? Siuan are you asleep? I don't hear you snoring. Siuan? Siuan, please answer me! Siuan?"

"Oh for the love of humanity, what do you want?"

"I want to get out of here! Surely you've come up with a plan?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"But..."

"Elaida, we are both locked in a cell with three Aes Sedai guarding us each. Our cells are in the pit of the bloody White Tower in the middle of bloody Tar Valon. Unless you can find a way to Travel while _shielded_, I think we're as good as dead."

"This isn't happening! This isn't happening!"

* * *

"You? No!" 

"Hey that's my line!"

Egwene briefly glanced at Jasin Natael before continuing. "You're suppose to be _dead_. Siuan and Elaida are going to hang for killing you!"

Nynaeve simply sniffed and stared at her.

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"Well...no."

"No? You fake your own death, cause me to have to order the execution of two Aes Sedai, show up one day before said execution alive and well and with lover in tow... And you have nothing to say?"

"He is not my lover!"

"She is not my lover! The great Asmodean would not sleep with a common 'Aes Sedai' such as this!"

"You're claiming to be a Forsaken? You're nothing more than a half-decent gleeman."

"Half...decent? _Half-decent_! My Bond Mistress will make you take back those words!"

"Your Bond Mistress? Another fantasy of yours, Jasin Natael."

Jasin, oh no wait Asmodean, made a grand show of flicking his cloak over his shoulder. "Cadsuane is indeed a fantasy in bed, and...can we pretend I didn't just tell you that?"

* * *

Cadsuane was bored. Her and Rand had camped out a spot to watch what was to be an epic battle between the Andoran and Cairhienin forces. But alas, there was nothing epic about it. The Andorans were running around like scared children, while the Cairhienins plummeled them with dragons' eggs, arrows, and the occasional fruit. That last seemed a bit mean to Cadsuane. All in all it was highly disappointing. 

"Oh look, Caddy! Elayne is retreating!"

"It's over? That 'war' wasn't even a full two hours!"

"Who do you think won? Don't roll your eyes at me! Maybe Elayne is just going to regroup."

"A third of her army is dead, another third has abandoned the fight, and the last third is running around like headless chickens. Are you blind?"

Surprisingly, Rand's eyes filled with tears. "You know my eyesight has never been the same since...since that day! Is that why you have another lover? A lover w-w-with good eyes and two hands, I bet! I have never cheated on you, a-a-and you do this to me! ME! Rand al'Thor!"

"Cheated on me? For the last time, we are not lovers!"

"Then how did we have a child? You can't deny Kaitlin!"

"No, I can't, and I wouldn't. That was a result of me acting out my natural Green tendencies."

"What tendencies?"

"Why, to make love to semi-attractive men."

Rand's sobbing abruptly stopped. "You think I'm pretty?"

* * *

Moiraine felt she might die of shock and horror: The Houses of Andor had simply decided they would give her their nation. 

"What is with you people? You can't just hand over nations like this!"

"We don't want to go through another Succession, your Highness," the man who spoke reminded her of a bloated red frog.

"Well, that's the price you pay for your stupid customs. What am I to do with Andor? I have my plate full with Cairhien."

A young, slightly ugly woman stepped forward. There was a strange glint in her eyes, and Moiraine suddenly wished to be gone. "You have done wonders for Cairhien in such a short time, I'm sure you will return Andor to greatness as well!"

There was no hope; Moiraine saw that now. She wanted to cry.

* * *

Sulamein so Bhagad, chief historian at the newly established Court of the Sun, was busy writing down all that had recently happened. It was all terribly exciting! True, it was all a bit unbelievable, but that would only make his book that much more likely to sell.  



	15. Wounds That Heal

_A/N: Long time no see...my bad! _

* * *

"Moiraine? Stop daydreaming!"

Moiraine eyed Cadsuane with irritation before turning her attention back to the festivities. Today was Tamra's first namingday, and Matrim had insisted on a giant feast. Barely a month had passed since his last battle, yet her husband refused to rest. At the moment he was on all fours, standing in place of a real horse. They were making quite the spectacle with Tamra hitting him on the head with a spoon and Matrim neighing.

Feeling a slight tug, Moiraine looked down to find Kaitlin Melaidhrin staring up at her with large gray-blue eyes. Moiraine stared back unsure of what to do with the spawn of Cadsuane and Rand. Thankfully, Rand scooped the girl up and proceeded to make those annoying cooing sounds. This action not only saved Moiraine from having to hold the child, but caused Cadsuane to finally stop drilling a hole in her back. The elder Aes Sedai seemed to dislike Rand's parenting style and never wasted an opportunity to scold him.

"It's hard to believe all that's happened in the last two years, isn't it, Aes Sedai?"

"It's hard to believe that after all these years I still have to tell you to call me Moiraine, Thom."

Meeting his eyes sent a flutter through her stomach. "I simply want to show respect. Care to join me for a walk?"

"I don't see why not." A part of her knew it wasn't smart to be alone with Thom, but Moiraine looped her arm through his anyway.

They walked in silence through one of the gardens, and for a small while Moiraine pretended there was nothing wrong with wishing for a different life.

* * *

Mat did not want to stay still long enough to rest. During the campaign resting was all he wished for, but now that the fighting was finished he had too many thoughts running through his mind. The small kingdom of Cairhien had become unwieldy with the addition of Andor and keeping all the various Houses in check was proving more frustratingly difficult than trying to win a war. These were not the issues keeping him up at night. No, those thoughts were reserved squarely for Moiraine.

There was that kiss with Lan. That walk with Thom. Both events she seemed to think he _hadn't_ noticed. Mat couldn't help but wonder what he hadn't managed to notice. It didn't help that recently his wife had seemed painfully distracted. Understandable considering all that she had on her plate, not so understandable that she only seemed distracted with Thom in the room.

"You could always kill him."

"What? Rand. No. I'm not going to kill Thom."

"But he's old. He should have been dead ten years ago, anyway."

"Oh, shut up."

Rand had the audacity to look offended. "I'm just trying to help you out!"

"I like Thom!"

"Even if he is, well, you know, your wife?"

"He isn't! I'll have a talk with him. This is all a misunderstanding."

* * *

Much to Romanda's disappointment there would be no hanging of Siuan Sanche and Elaida a'Roihan. She had tried for many a week to find some law that they could be re-convicted under to no avail. So it was with a heavy heart she sent them off to work on farms: one in Tanchico, one in Fal Dara. She didn't care who went to which so long as they were suffering and out of her sight. The girl Amyrlin claimed that both would be off to Cairhien as soon as their warden had their back turned. Which was a punishable offense and why Romanda was looking forward to them running away. Oh yes she was.

* * *

_Tanchico? No, no, too stuffy_.

Thom was quickly running out of citites to run away to; he just couldn't seem to find one that was a good fit. Admittedly, he didn't really _want_ to leave, but after inadvertently admitting to Mat that he was in love with Moiraine and may or may not want to father her future children, he thought it best to hitch the first ride out of the City.

"Hmmmmm...you should go to Tar Valon."

"What?!"

"Well! It's not like Mat would go there!"

Thom stared at Rand trying to comprehend if he really had just heard a viable suggestion from him. "That is true."

"Yes!" The boy's eyes seemed to light up. "I'll go with you. Tar Valon is where Cadsuane's other lover is."

"I really wish you wouldn't say 'lover' and 'Cadsuane' in the same sentence."

* * *

Thom had claimed that nothing had happened between him and Moiraine "yet" but that didn't sit right with Mat. However, if the years had taught him anything it was that trying to get information out of Moiraine was a fool's errand. He would need a plan to get to the truth. And in reality he would probably have to pay someone to come up with said plan. Cadsuane was offering her services at a discount this month, and once he got the chance he'd take her up on her offer. 


	16. Via Láctea

_A/N: Yeah, long time no see, I'm out of practice and all that jazz._

* * *

"So it has come to this," Cadsuane stared over her templed hands at him. "You have finally come to me for help. You, who would wish for me to vanish and leave your world-"

"Please stop talking." For a brief moment Mat thought he would die, but Cadsuane seemed uninterested in murder today. "Yes. Yes, Cadsuane the Great, I am here to ask for your help. Please don't make this anymore painful than it need be!"

"Heehee!"

"And please tell Rand to stop laughing."

"I can do nothing about Rand, but Moiraine is another story. Whatever information it is that you need should not be all too difficult for me to acquire."

Cadsuane's smile gave Mat-and Rand-pause: did he really want to risk getting into an agreement with an Aes Sedai? Images of Thom and Moiraine, Moiraine and Lan, Thom, Moiraine, _and_ Lan, flashed through his mind. It made him sick and angry, but mostly nauseated.

"Fine! Whatever the price, just...do what you do."

"Heehee!"

* * *

Things were becoming a little awkward for Nynaeve. She was woman enough to admit that to herself. Egwene had her on lock down except for when she was sent to go guard the great _Jasin Natael_. Now even that old gleeman Thom had arrived to annoy her.

"Do you realize you are thinking out loud, Daughter? If you don't like your punishment I can find you another."

"Oh. Oh! Hahahahaha. No. No. I am perfectly happy with what you have decided!" Nynaeve took this moment to thank the Light she wasn't bond by the Oaths.

"Maybe you should take a moment and figure out how to keep your thoughts inside your head."

"Look, Egwene, I'm really sorry about this whole beheading mess." Nynaeve gave a warm smile to her former apprentice. Yes, that was all Egwene was, a former apprentice. "How was I to know people would think I was dead? Or that Siuan and Elaida would be accused of my murder? Or that you would let Romanda talk you into that double execution? I know that there are many things that I am able to do, but predicting the future...! That just isn't one of them!"

Egwene did not look impressed nor moved. "If you are done complimenting yourself, Daughter, your _former apprentice_ would like you to go tell that Jasin Natael fellow to simmer down and behave. Dismissed!"

* * *

Moiraine was really not in the mood to break Tar Valon laws and codes. Siuan was not in the mood for Moiraine to start obeying Tar Valon law and codes.

"This is just plain silly! Do you have any idea how often you were almost brought up for disciplinary action? In fact, they still have a tally on you!"

Which is all the more reason to not harbor a fugitive, wouldn't you say? Just go back to Tanchico and finish your sentence! I have more important things to do!"

"More important than your former pillow friend?"

"There's a reason you're a 'former'."

Shocked, all Siuan could do was splutter and make violent hand gestures. Moiraine was unaffected.

"Siuan, I love you. Really, I do. But you attract more trouble than Rand, and frankly I'm getting too old to want to bother with such nonsense. Go back to Tanchico! And if you don't want to do that, at least go back to your room!"

Dismissed like a child, Siuan returned to her room. And planned to make Moiraine rue this day.

"Mwahaha!"

* * *

Cadsuane knew she was up to no good: She already knew all there was to know about Moiraine. She was taking advantage of Mat. She knew that. She just didn't care. Even so, she should at least make a good showing of getting intel.

Thus far all she had seen Moiraine do was cry, eat, yell at Siuan, cry, drink tea with too much honey, and cry some more. Light, she never knew Cairhienin cried so much over so little.

Since spying on someone boring tended to be, well, boring, Cadsuane passed the time by making Moiraine believe her castle was haunted. But that was only fun until Moiraine started crying again.

"Why don't you pay someone to spy on her?"

"Rand, why don't you get a job?! Hey!"

"No!"

"It was your idea!"

Rand tried to come up with a good reason, a good excuse, a good way to get out of this.

"I can't spy on her! Short people make me itch!"

* * *

Meanwhile...

Lan wondered why he had joined the Whitecloaks. It didn't make much sense when you got right down to it.

Aviendha just wondered how much longer she could avoid the crazy going around.


	17. This Time

_A/N: Yeah, just going to start uploading all the stuff I've been too lazy too. My bad._

* * *

Rand was bound and determined to avoid having a job, and thus he fulfilled his promise to himself and went to Tar Valon to join Thom. The old gleeman had taken up residence in a dingy, and rather nasty in Rand's opinion, inn on the docks. True, in Tar Valon "nasty" was pretty damn good considering, but he had certain standards to be met. As far as he could tell Thom hadn't actually done anything productive in his time on the island, aside from visiting the Tower to talk with Nynaeve. Why anyone would want to talk with Nynaeve was a mystery to Rand. Mostly he hated finding out Cadsuane had been right about Nynaeve not being dead. Stupid woman was always right!

But Thom and his new buddy Nana were the furthest things in his mind. He had discovered Asmodean was living in the Tower. No one wanted _Rand_ in the Tower unsupervised because he might break something or Bore a new hole or some such nonsense, but a Forsaken could walk around like a happy daisy! It was with this mind set that he arranged an appointment to meet with Egwene.

"Egwene, um, Mother, I am afraid I must tell you that your resident gleeman is in fact the Forsaken Asmodean. I am more than happy to kill him for you." He smiled to show he was friendly. She didn't respond. "Well, um, you see, Mother, he is a _Forsaken_ and they are the kinds of channelers we good Lightfriends execute. Painfully, might I add. That's part of the perk of being a good guy: killing bad guys!" She stared at him blankly. "Egwene-!"

"That's 'Mother' to you."

"Mother! Please! Let me kill him! Please?"

Egwene sighed softly. "No. I don't know how much Nynaeve is paying you to say this silly thing-"

"She does not pay anyone!"

"-but this is going too far. Really. Is it because Jasin claims to be Cadsuane's lover? Oh you poor boy. Killing over a woman. Tsk."

Rand stopped listening to her lecture him and began muttering under his breath: "Cadsuane...and...Asmodean...Asmo and Cad, Cad and Asmo...!"

* * *

Moiraine was a very angry Cairhienin. Thom had whisked off to Tar Valon without a word--if he was sharing his bed with some twenty-year-old she'd have his hide--and Cadsuane was being a serious, major, pain in the ass.

"Listen you old bat! I do not like your spying on me--oh yes I know you were spying! Not to mention those games you played on me about the dead people. Now that was just mean of you." Cadsuane shrugged her shoulders and continued her sewing. Sewing! Only crusty spinsters sewed! Moiraine did not like being ignored. "Listen to me! I said listen!"

"Oh please, stop throwing tantrums." She didn't even look up at Moiraine. "It can't be called spying if there is nothing to spy. It is basic logic."

"Basic logic in senile land!"

"Yes."

Flabbergasted and hating it, Moiraine stood there and fumed for a good minute before leaving with as much grace as she could muster. Siuan standing outside grinning like an idiot didn't help her mood.

"I thought I told you to go back to Tanchico."

Siuan's smile faded a touch. "I feel I am of more use to you here, than all the way over there."

Moiraine pursed her lips, but arguing with Siuan was pointless. Instead, she made a grand show of leaving to return to the palace proper. She was only mildly disappointed to realize Siuan wasn't even watching her stalk away.

* * *

It didn't take a lot of thought to realize Rand was the source of Mat's current problem. He usually was in some way. Thom had hid his running away to Tar Valon well enough, but Rand enjoyed bragging too much about his "good idea" for it to stay secret for long.

Unfortunately, and surprisingly, it really was a good idea. Mat wasn't going to step foot near the White Tower if he could help it. At least Thom was away on an island away from his wife.

That still left the problem of Lan; the old Warder had apparently abandoned his Whitecloak ways and was now roaming Cairhien chatting it up with Moiraine. In fact, Lan seemed to get some evil pleasure out of tweaking Mat's nose and openly flirting--flirting!--with Moiraine. Why Moiraine put up with it boggled his mind. When he confronted her about it she brushed it off as pure imagination on his part. Even if it was, it still wasn't right!

Cadsuane was of no help in this situation. She too claimed Mat was imagining things, and said his true fear should be Siuan. The idea that Moiraine and Siuan had ever been anything more than friends seemed so ridiculous, yet Moiraine was a little too mute on the subject for his comfort. Siuan in turn seemed to enjoy describing Moiraine naked to him as if to prove she had seen Moiraine in her skin.

He was fast becoming frustrated with life.

But then, a thought occurred to him, one as good as Rand's brilliant idea: he would write to Tar Valon about their escapee.

* * *

Elaida watched Moiraine walk around the palace gardens seemingly lost in thought. Her and that fool Matrim's daughter trailed after her. The girl looked too much like her father for Elaida's comfort. Behind them Moiraine's sisters walked in a sea of ladies-in-waiting and behind that circus Siuan and Cadsuane trailed behind. Cadsuane. Burn that hag! But there was no Mat to be seen: a first, and a sign the Creator favored her.

Stepping out into the pathway, Elaida was almost run over by Moiraine. Not that she minded; bumping into someone had its benefits.

"Oh! Elaida? What are you doing here?" Oh, how Elaida loved the voice like silver chimes descending from the moon itself!

Before Elaida could answer her sweet little dove, Cadsuane crackled like a madwoman as Siuan landed a punch square on Elaida's nose.

"What are you doing here following me?! Don't act innocent! I know you were following me!" Siuan seemed to think punches counted as periods.

A petrified Innloine said someone should break the fight up, but no one seemed all too eager to volunteer.

Finally, Moiraine put a hand on Siuan's arm which seemed to settle the beast. "Siuan, please stop. You will get blood on the flowers. Now, Elaida, why *are* you here?" Everything she had wanted to say flew out of Elaida's mind. Moiraine bit her lower lip before continuing. "I suppose it doesn't matter; you are here now. Just stay out of the way and no more fights with Siuan." With that, she walked away.

Siuan followed with the rest of the attendants but not before making clear she planned on killing Elaida in her sleep.

* * *

Romanda was absolutely delighted! She had received word from Cairhien that Siuan Sanche was avoiding her sentence by hiding in the royal palace. She had already began to gather herself a little Aes Sedai welcoming party for the stubborn Blue. Fun times were ahead. Fun times.


	18. Xpander

"I do not understand how you allowed yourself to get into this situation, Thom," Nynaeve tried to keep her voice level as she handed the old gleeman some tea. "Not to mention, I have no idea what you see in Moiraine. She's not very friendly. Or nice. Doesn't have any hobbies or know the meaning of fun. Pale as a maggot and walks around with her nose in the air. Dye her blond and she'd be Elayne!"

Thom sipped his tea, but he still hadn't touched any of the biscuits she had made. "I could say a few choice things about Elaida...."

"Completely different!" How dare he! Who did he think he was? "I was obviously under Compulsion at the time. There is no way I would willing behave that way with Ellie."

"Ellie?"

"Elaida." Nynaeve did not like where this conversation was going. She liked even less that Thom was outright laughing at her. At her! No one laughed at Nynaeve unless she said they could. "No one has any proof I _wasn't_ under Compulsion," except Elaida of course, "so there is no need to guffaw like that."

"I don't recall saying I disbelieved you." His disbelief was written all over his face! "Have you heard from Lan recently?"

Clearly he was trying to change the subject; Nynaeve thought it might be best to let him. "No. I still cannot believe he joined the Whitecloaks. Not that they do much these days besides roam around trying to...do things...with women. Perhaps Lan is just trying to make them more honorable."

"Perhaps."

Nynaeve felt an intense desire to tug her braid. "What other reason could he have for joining?"

"You mean besides your 'death'? Don't tug your braid at me, woman! Why, maybe all Lan needs is some children to keep him occupied in his old years." He had the nerve to look her up and down. "You are still fertile enough for the job."

With a wordless shriek, Nynaeve flew at Thom and slapped him until he limped out of the room.

* * *

Asmodean had tried very hard to avoid Rand al'Thor, but there were so many hallways and rooms in the Tower he found himself lost and cornered soon enough.

"Please! You cannot still be angry about all those years ago! I was attacked; I didn't leave you!"

Rand just stood there staring at him without a single emotion flickering across his face. It was hard to tell if Asmodean was looking at the face of sanity or its reverse. Finally, Rand stepped toward him.

"Asmodean. I should kill you. You did some majorly bad things, man, majorly bad. But dude, sleeping with my girl is just plain _wrong_."

"As if any woman who had me would have anything to do with you!" He said the words, but Asmodean had a feeling he knew what Crazy Boy was talking about.

"Cadsuane is mine. I claim her! I gave her a daughter!"

"How do you know she's yours?" The world didn't need anymore al'Thor spawn. What was Cadsuane thinking?!

"I know because...because...don't try and divert me! I challenge you to a duel!" Rand gave a satisfied nod then walked away as if he expected Asmodean to follow him.

Asmodean followed.

Rand was headed toward a clearing on the other side of the river. It didn't occur to either to simply Travel there until they were halfway across the island, at which point both were content to pretend they simply enjoyed walking. While they strode past an inn built to look like crashing waves or a drowning cat or something, they caught sight of a woman who looked remarkably like Aviendha. But when Rand called out to her she ran away like the Great Lord himself had just flashed her.

"I thought she was one of your women, Rand al'Thor. Why is she running away from you?"

Crazy Boy muttered under his breath and just continued to lead the way.

* * *

Moiraine enjoyed having tea and biscuits and spending time with her family. Sometimes she even liked to combine the two. This was not one of those times. Innloine and Anvaere were gossiping and giggling like fool girls despite the gray in their hair. Moiraine didn't mind that so much as she minded them gossiping about her and her husband.

"Lord Mat is rather cute when he is jealous, wouldn't you say Inny?"

"Oh yes, Anvaere, his looks improve a thousand fold when he gets all puffed up!"

"Indeed! Normally I don't understand what Moiraine sees in him--he's a little tall for my tastes--but lately he seems a lot more attractive."

"Mmmhmmm, I agree! He is a nice boy, too. Why, he doesn't even mind the bit of pudge Moiraine gained from the baby."

"Stop talking about me while I am right here!" Moiraine shouted at them, but they just went right on ignoring her. And she didn't have any pudge! She was just curvy.

The door slide open enough to admit Elayne and her too tall, too dark, too handsome lover Raul. "Hello, my aunts. How are you?" Elayne didn't wait for a reply. "Moiraine, I wish to discuss Andor with you."

"Go away."

Instead, Elayne and Raul sat down across from Moiraine. "Aunt Moiraine, please hear me. I know you will not give back what is rightfully mine. I can even understand your reasons. But at least consider placing me in charge of the...the Province of Andor."

"How would that be any different than making you a queen?" Moiraine had to smack Raul's hand away from her biscuits.

"I am trying to help you, Moiraine. Andor is a different beast than Cairhien. Andorans require a certain set of skills to handle." Elayne smiled so her dimple showed. It didn't have the effect she wanted.

"I am so tired of you. So tired. I want you out of my sight." Innloine and Anvaere were suddenly paying very close attention to Moiraine. Moiraine was feeling a little evil. She liked it. "I hereby banish you to Emond's Field. Raul shall be exiled with you. Am I not merciful?"

* * *

Galad looked pretty when he was angry: or so he was told. Today it was Lan Mandragoran who caused him grief. The man was being truant from his duties with the Children of the Light. And he had had such high hopes for Lan. He couldn't let such an example run loose and so it was that he had tracked the man down to the city of Cairhien.

While searching the palace he ran into Elayne who was for some reason surrounded by a horde of soldiers. She attempted to flag him down, but he had no time for talk, so after a polite bow and nod he continued on his way. He couldn't be sure but he thought she might have actually cursed at him.

Lan, as it turned out, was sitting in a garden staring at nothing.

"al'Lan Mandragoran, I am afraid I will have to arrest you for abandoning your duties as a soldier."

"..."

"Lan, I am speaking to you. Lan? Look, I know you can hear me. Please stand. I do not want to use force against you."

"..."

"You are pushing the limits."

"..."

Galad could feel his blood rising. Lan had never been much of a talker but this was beyond reason. "al'Lan Mandragoran if you do not rise at this instant--eep!"

A woman screamed as she witnessed that beautiful face of Galad Damodred's get backhanded.

* * *

Romanda and twenty fellow Aes Sedai had gathered in Cairhien. The girl Amyrlin had not prohibited them from taking back Siuan Sanche by force. The fact that Romanda had conveniently forgot to ask for permission wasn't even worth mentioning. Since arriving she had discovered Elaida a'Roihan was also in the city; what a great boom for Romanda! Tomorrow they would strike, and if one of the two fools was harmed or killed during the capture, well, such is life.


End file.
